Chairman of the bored

I'm with Iggy Pop on this one. Sobriety in places where one is most usually sozzled is a state I've pretty much never experienced before. I mean, why would I even think of going to a gig, a party or a comedy night without a generous vat of social lubricant?

The last 12 days have allowed me time to think about exactly this, and I've discovered some unpleasant and really not at all reassuring truths. Here they are.

1. I'm bored. Really, really bored! This is a big shock. Apparently I've spent the last 15 years going to gigs with the express intention not of seeing an exciting new band, but of getting pissed and smoking till I croak - and maybe at some point accidentally seeing some live music. Take away the grog and the snouts, and what's left? A lot of standing about, waiting for something to happen, and very little in the way of distraction from the nagging thought that maybe there's something good on telly right now.

2. Many of my friendships might not be built on anything more solid than a battered dinghy on a lake of lager. I go out, I get drunk, I talk a load of crap, I buy people drinks so I'm not drinking alone, I give people cigarettes in the totally pathetic hope they might, I dunno, like me more. How tragic is this? It's an awful realisation, but a very important admission.

3. I've always happily accepted that some art/performance is better appreciated with the help of alcohol. But I don't think I've ever been honest enough to face up to the fact that much of the music I've busied myself with over the last decade and a half might actually be terrible. My memories of so many evenings are so tainted by beer that I rely on photos and other people's stories to "remember" them; my own recollections simply aren't reliable.

The more I get into this detox, the more convinced I am that I'm doing absolutely the right thing. I may still be in the first blush of commitment to a new relationship (this time, with abstinence), but right now I'm genuinely wondering if I'll ever drink regularly again. I could still smoke a cigarette right now this second though...