And so it begins

At 00.31 on Wed 27 February, having just got home from a night out during which I drank seven pints of cider, saw three bands, ate two sausage rolls, smoked 10 cigarettes and slurred one lengthy and largely incomprehensible rant into one friend's undeserving voicemail inbox, I sent the following text message to one of my best friends:

"On Saturday 1 March I'm giving up alcohol, cigarettes, takeaways, meat, processed snacks, recreational drugs and all sundry excess for a month. It's a big stupid idiot test of me. You're the only person I'm telling. I don't want your help but I may need your support. Is it OK to burden you with this?"

She said yes, and I thanked my lucky stars my friends are so ace.

You won't hear from me again until Saturday. Between now and then, I've decided to eat as much fast food crap as I can handle, smoke till I can't speak and generally make the most of my last few numbered hours of bodily freedom. Is it possible to stock up on MSG and nicotine? I sure as hell hope so.

Today I ate a sausage bagel, a cheeseburger, a huge packet of Cadbury's mini eggs and a bloody great bowl of spicy Chinese pork and greasy noodles. Only two fags though, must try not to let the side down tomorrow...